Friday, July 6, 2012

Regressions and Retrogrades


Jetta has strep throat and we're heading into the weekend with antibiotics on call for Jade, just in case.

The step children are moving across the country only months after we have spent more money than I want to think about moving across country to be near them.

And all those worries about whether homeschooling is right for our girls are creeping in, pushing against my stable mind.

Yes, Mercury is going retrograde.  Soon.

I am not someone that makes decisions lightly.  I used to be, back in those pre-motherhood days.  I did not question what I wanted in the way that I do now and it seems that every decision I make has some level of impact on the potential happiness of our sweet girls.  I know too well the slippery slope that this indecision puts me on, so I take things slowly, obsessively, and gather information while my inner self roots into what is right.  But it seems there will always be a Mercury in retrograde and I will have the pros and cons of any situation thrust back up into the spotlight just as my roots were taking hold.

Mercury goes retrograde on July 14th and according to Aligned for Mercury Retrograde this month's retrograde theme, with Mercury in Leo, is about self expression, self esteem, and "risking the self for the self."


Risking the self, huh?  Hmm.  It always feels like there is very little balance in risking myself, or risking my kids.  And just which option is the real risk?  What if what I believe will be right for them, will not necessarily be what will make them happy?  And what if the ideas behind being happy aren't what will really bring longterm happiness and a wellness of the soul?

And so it goes.  On and on.  And on.  But this time, I'm not takin' it anymore!  This retrograde will not pull the rug out from under me, rock my boat, or crush my foundation so that I have to rebuild it, piece by piece, only to have it flip and reverse back to the original plan once Mercury goes direct.

So here is what I say:  Bring it on!  Well, maybe not with quite so much confidence, but yeah, let's bring those issues up.  Let's put them on the table and look at them for what they are.  If it's meant to be addressed, let's address it.  And I will remain open to what the resolutions are.  I will remain open to discovering the truths behind these things.  I will remain true to my heart and intuition while letting these old fears rise fully and show me what they have to say.  The answers may not be perfect, but I'll continue to put one foot in front of the other while I dig deep into the ol' bag o' baggage and pull out what needs to be dumped. 




And in the meantime, I'll talk authentically with Jetta about what her heart wants and know that I can trust her to know what she needs.  She might not know the vehicle by which she can get those things, but I can listen and learn and let her shape how we do things.

Wildschooling is still the plan, and the things we don't like about public school are still things we don't like, so let's let the digging begin.  Dig up the issues, re-examine them, and find the information that is trying to make its way to us.  And when the retrograde passes, we'll see where we end up.

3 comments:

  1. Love this, Jessie...it is honest and raw and feels more personal...it exudes strength.

    I especially like this part:...But this time, I'm not takin' it anymore! This retrograde will not pull the rug out from under me, rock my boat, or crush my foundation...So here is what I say: Bring it on!

    I really like where you mention talking with Jetta...she is so intuitive - she wil be able to help you know what the right thing to do is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Julie! The hard part is getting Jetta to not be too influenced by my own agenda and fears since she can absorb those too. But if I let it be casual, she responds pretty well. So far, as long as she has Kid Dates Extraordinaire in the works, she says she wants to homeschool, but I'm open to receiving more on the subject from her and from whatever needs to be stirred up.

      Delete
  2. I think Wildschooling has sent you into your own wild nature. Tuning into strength and intuition looks good on you!

    ReplyDelete