Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Let's get one thing straight . . .

I read an article about a woman who lost 180 pounds and until I read this article, it had not occurred to me that EVERYONE was looking at me with disgust because my ass is big and because I have to squeeze behind them to get past.  It had not occurred to me that EVERYONE was relieved when I went past them on an airplane, and it had not occurred to me that I was so intensely loathed by all the world around me just because I weigh more than they want me to.

So let's get one thing straight.  I'm fat.  I am most definitely fatter than you want me to be and most days I am fatter than I want me to be.

But do you loathe me?  Are you relieved when I walk past?  Are you so fearful of my flesh that I disgust you?

Maybe.  Maybe you are part of the EVERYONE that is so fearful of their own flaws that you project that judgment onto me.

Let's get another thing straight.  There are loads of things about being fat that really suck, but it's more about convenience and acceptance than it is about the actual sucky-ness of my girth.  But don't you skinny folk have issues too?  Don't all of us have issues?  Don't we all long for approval by our peers and want to be loved for who we are?  If I looked like J Lo wouldn't I just then feel badly because I was only loved for my looks and not my brain, or my innate goodness?

So here is what I have to say about this issue.  Fuck all this shit.  I'm so sick of it.  I'm sick of somebody being disgusted because my hips are wide (and they are!), but I'm also sick of them not knowing that I, too, am disgusted with them.  That's right.  If you can't handle me being fat then you need to remember it works both ways.  We get to be disgusted with you too, and there are a lot of us! So get over it.

THERE IS NO MORALITY TO BEING FAT.  I am not bad, I am not evil, I am not lazy, I am not willfully creating this situation.  It's all bioligical, it's all limiting, it's all cruddy to be in the body that isn't approved of by society, but there is no moral issue about it.

What there is, instead, is fear. 

Fear that you will become like me. 

And so I must be judged, shunned, boxed up and shipped to the north pole?

If you know someone fat, and you have judged them, then why don't you consider the notion that you are really judging yourself.  You are really working at making sure someone else has issues that are worse than yours.  And if that person in your life is fat, try considering the possibility that the multi-billion dollar weight loss industry still hasn't figured out a way to make all us fatties turn thin, so surely, if there was a magic pill we'd already have taken it.

And if you are that fat person, come with me and let all this go.  No one is equipped to accept you in this modern society until you accept yourself and demand respect.  That's just how it is set up.  If you want others to respect you, approve of you, you have to stop thinking they are right for their judgment.  And you have to look in the mirror and recognize your own personal worth, no matter what your size.  You have worth because you are a human being.  And there is only one way to really move into believing that.

Make the choice. 

Make the choice right now to walk past all this shit, and love yourself.  Our lives are limited on this earth, and this might be the one shot you've got to stand up and say "I am fucking awesome!"  And that goes for you skinny people too.